Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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