Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
