Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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