The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
