I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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