Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize