Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
