you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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