apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
