She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
