six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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