five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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