Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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