I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
