I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So much rum. So many feels.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
