I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
