Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
