Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
