i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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