The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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