Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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