ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
