omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
