no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
