sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
