mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
