I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
