Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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