shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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