i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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