the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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