her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize