just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
