I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize