i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
