It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
