You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
