I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
