so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I pour the whiskey from now on
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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