And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
