the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and she was petting her beer can
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
