last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
