People in love make me want to vomit
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
