i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
