if i can run in heels then i can drive
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
