No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i love accidental penises.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
