Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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