I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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