i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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