If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
