If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
smell my finger.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
