I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
