I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
