We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize