I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
