I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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