Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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