So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
