Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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