I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
