my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
