Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
