I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
