So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
