I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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