He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
