but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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