Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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