I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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