A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That's intense
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
