Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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