You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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