You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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